Where would I be without Math? All the hours I spent in Geometry class, trying to prove a shape was a triangle. Because looks alone can’t determine that, so we have to calculate that by figuring out angles, flipping a coin, and making sure your body is facing wherever Kim Kardashian’s bottom is sitting. Oh how useful it is, because I get confused on wether my beloved pizza slice is indeed a triangle or a really bad impression of a triangle.

And let’s not forget to honor word problems. Because where would we be of we did not know what time a train leaving New York would reach Chicago if it was going 89.7 miles per hour. That practice has been a lifesaver. It helped me figure out wether I should get married.

“If my feelings were in LA….and her feelings were in San Francisco. And they needed to reach the city of ‘marriage’…how fast would the feelings need to develop by 1130 pm? And what about roadblocks? Ok….add ‘baggage’….’insecurity’….multiply by ‘fake facebook accounts’….and divide by the number of sexual partners the person as had….hmm…add erectile dysfunction. ….subtract increased paranoia due to a best friend being of the opposite sex….ok…is that greater than or equal to divorce?”

We would be fools to forget good ole Pythagoras. Who is he? The guy who created the Pythagorean theorem.

A squared + B squared = c squared

Yes, without that theory I wouldn’t know if the urinal I choose to use in the men’s bathroom is too close to the next male. Would that decrease my feeling of comfort? What if the guy turns to me and says “looks like its cold in here”? What if the guy is chewing gum while doing this? Will I be grossed out? And if I don’t calculate the correct distance to stay away from the nearest urinating man, will he try to engage in a full debate on nuclear negotiations between North Korea and the US.

We owe all this power to Math.