“I hope she doesn’t smell like soup.”

Dating is a fun game. You meet someone and you gain interest. Maybe, it’s their eyes…their smile…or the cute way they flip people off in traffic. But, we all have dealbreakers. That one thing that will make us lose interest in a second. He could have the face of Zac Efron….body of David Beckham…he builds orphanages….he gives to charity….he sits through every Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy with you…just perfect. You talk to him one day and you discover that one thing. That one thing you can’t get pass. That one thing that makes you lose interest.

“Hey honey….its me. What did you do all day?”

“Well, after I was helping at the homeless center I decided to go to the park and feed birds. But I saw this little boy eating an ice cream cone, it fell down and he started to cry. So I took him by the hand and bought him another one. We got to talking and he told me he hated math. And how he hated Algebra. So I taught him about the history of the Pythagorean Theorem. And now he loves math..”

“Wow, you are too sweet…..”

“Yeah I used to have trouble with math. But my ex helped me with it…and it wasn’t just math. I had family problems, but she showed me that family is important. I am the way that I am….because of her.”

Boom. You learn he is not truly over his ex. And everytime he does anything,  you question:

“Is he that way because of his ex?”

And it goes downhill from there.

I have had those situations. And through my 30 something years on this earth,  I found out what I liked and what my dealbreakers are.

1. Substance. A pretty face is great. But what I love most is substance. Tell me about you, what your dreams are…your goal in life. Personally, I love the art of conversation. Current events, whats happening in the world.  Where do you see yourself in ten years? Please don’t say:

“In ten years? Umm..i don’t know. Probably shopping…hi-five!”

2. A sense of humor. I never used to thing this was important until I met Lindsay. She was hilarious. She was witty. She made me laugh all the time….but it didn’t work. Why? See number 3.

3. Voice. Lindsay’s voice was very very deep. I felt like I was dating a late night radio DJ who played Slow Jams. Not cool. But on the opposite side of the spectrum, baby voice. You ever meet someone who talks in ‘baby voice’ all the time? And even makes a baby sound while they sneeze? Yes, not cool.

4. Smell. I dated a girl named Cassie. She was beautiful and interesting. But for some odd reason, she always smelled like soup. Specifically,  minestrone soup. Did she work in a soup kitchen? I don’t know. But,  needless to say, it didn’t work out. The power of smell is strong. You can smell something and it will make you flashback to your childhood…when you walked to school and you always passed a bakery and smelled fresh bread. So everytime you smell bread, you are reminded of this childhood memory. So whenever I walk into Olive Garden and smell soup, it reminds me of Cassie.

4. “Other” This is a wild card. Maybe, the person you are dating has the habit of cutting his toenails in the middle of a restaurant. Or, maybe the guy you are dating always uses the words “pal” or “buddy” or “chief”. Or maybe the guy you are dating likes to keep the door open while he is doing “number 2” in the bathroom. I used to date a woman named Andrea. She had everything…looks…smarts..good voice…but she had this weird habit of making sound effects whenever she talked.

“Hey Andrea! How you been? You ok?”

“Yeah..sorry im late. I was driving(she would make a car sound) and this car cut me off (she would make a car beeping sound). I was so mad (she would make an angry face and say GRRR. ) And at work, I couldn’t get anything done. ..cause the printer kept jamming (she would imitate the sound of a printer. .and then the sound of it jamming.)

I’m being totally serious. Feel free to tell me any dealbreakers you may have.


8 thoughts on ““I hope she doesn’t smell like soup.”

  1. City Girl at the Edge

    Glad you asked. Deal breakers–bad breath, poor dental hygiene, dirty nails, long toe nails or fingernails (UGH!), rude to service people…

  2. thenarcissistwrites

    Lol at number 4. Really, people do that??? Gosh poor girl. I think the voice and smell thing get to me a lot too – can’t date guys with whiny voices and he definitely has to smell good or it’s a no go.

  3. thisthatandtheotherthang

    Haha!! I had to apologize to my co-workers for LOL’ing in my cube! This is hilarious, and even more so because it is true! I’ve had some real winners in the past (“Shorty”-he literally looked up to me, guy who insisted in walking, WALKING his cats!!, and let’s not forget the guy who spit when he talked, bless his heart). I’d like to think that I am very accepting, and I don’t pigeon hole prospective boyfriends based on their minestrone scent du jour and weird habits, but the truth is, sometimes these are deal breakers. I, like you, have come to pin-point a few key must-haves in any guy I pursue:
    1. A sense of humor
    2. Big heart
    3. Goal-driven/hard worker
    4. Family-oriented
    5. Doesn’t hurt if he’s a Brewer’s fan and it not hard on the eyes 😉

    1. misplacedtalent2 Post author

      Walking his cats!! I’m sure his cats enjoyed that lol. Thats hilarious! Yeah im with you on the height thing too. Good list of must-haves! Baseball fans are awesome in my book!


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