“..I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect this.”

“….and the nominees are John Travolta for his absolute massacre of Idina Menzel’s name during the Oscars….Lauren Caitlin Upton for her hilarious speech about ‘the Iraq…such as’…..Sweet Brown for her phrase ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’ during a stroll through her hallway to get a ‘cold pop’….and misplacedtalent2 for his impressive mediocrity in everything he does…”

“…and the award goes to….misplacedtalent2….”

“Wow…seriously I didn’t expect this. I didn’t even think I would be nominated for this category…and how could we leave off ‘Keyboard Cat’? But….I do have a speech prepared surprisingly….first of all, I’d like to thank my wife for teaching me that having 7 inches and only lasting 49 seconds  is ok. Thank you babe, and let’s try for 52 seconds next time! I want to thank the three judges from the Waltz competition I was in during the 8th grade…thank you for giving me a chance to show that anyone could find a way to embarrass themselves while dancing to ‘Moon River.’ I want to thank the two bullies who stole my Halloween candy bag when I was in 6th grade while I was walking down Elliott Drive….all I had was Tootsie Rolls in that bag anyway…I want to thank the hot lifeguard in the red bikini who taught me the importance of tying your swim shorts tightly before you jump into a swimming pool…cause if you attempt a belly flop, your shorts will fly right off….and the water is cold…so please expect ‘shrinkage’……I also would like to thank Jergens Lotion….you have helped me during many lonely nights during high school….I’d like to thank Smokey the Bear for showing me that even I could prevent forest fires…..and last but definitely not the least…..my daughter. For showing me unconditional love. For becoming the reason why I wake up every day. For giving me a purpose in life…and for smiling at every joke I tell. I love you baby.”

The Daily Post-Your Acceptance Speech


6 thoughts on ““..I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect this.”

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Last but not Least – Speech of the Year | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  2. Pingback: Daily prompt: Gratitude & Speeches | The Wandering Poet

  3. Pingback: Thank you! | I'm a Writer, Yes I Am

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