“A couch potato in the sand”

I checked my phone…and then looked at the clock on the wall.

3:25. I felt a sense of relief. The weekend was five minutes away. The bell rang and I started to prepare to go home. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my wife.

“Hey hottie…so whats the plan for this weekend?”

“Hey stupid…I was thinking we find a dog-friendly beach and just spend the day there.” My heart sank a little.

“Dogs? That is gonna be so hectic…they will be jumping all over the backseat….probably peering all over the floors. And how long would we be there? It’s the playoffs..and there are 3 game 7s tomorrow…that’s never ever happened in history. And you know I love history. Do you really want to skip out on history?”

My wife ignored everything I said.

“Hon, you know our dogs are old…and they have never been to a beach. Please, let’s do this for them….for me. The dogs can run free…the little one can build sand castles..and you can sit there pretending that you are not checking out women in bikinis.”

She had a point there…she literally just gave me the green light to look at women.

“Ok, fine…you had me at bikinis…I mean, you had me at sand castles.”

The next day, we hopped into the car with an excited little one and two drooling and pooping-on-the-floor dogs. An hour later, we parked and walked towards the sandy beach.

“Its pretty windy….not typical beach weather.”

My wife replied, “Well, its not too bad. Let’s just see how it is when we settle in.”

We set up a blanket and beach umbrella and noticed our surroundings.

“Not many bikinis I see…but I do see several guys in Speedos. You tricked me, is this National “Show me your sausage” Day? Because that is all I see right now.”

My wife laughed, “Sounds perfect to me.”

She pulled out some sandwiches and we started to eat. After a few minutes, I started to notice my roast beef sandwich was getting a little crunchy. And my sandwich literally became a SAND-wich.

“This sandwich is starting to taste like Grape Nuts Cereal.” I put it down and watched my little one start to collect seashells. She was so happy. My wife wandered off with the dogs and left me alone. I pulled out my phone and let my Pandora playlist run on full blast. I could hear the waves crashing mixed in with explicit hip hop music. It was beautiful. I could see my dogs off in the distance frolicking in the water and it made me smile. I switched my sights to my daughter.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look at this hard seashell! Its round and long! Its so cool!”

“Umm, that’s not a seashell baby. That’s poop….hard dog poop. Please put that down.”

I laughed to myself. I came here complaining…and mad that I wasn’t home. But, I was crazy. This was heaven. It was peaceful and everyone was happy.

We stayed there for 3 hours….the wind was forcing us home.

“We have to leave…its getting cold…besides, don’t you have a date with our couch to watch some basketball?” I sure did.

An hour later, we pulled up to our house and hopped in the shower. I spend 15 minutes discovering sand in the weirdest places on my body. I got dressed when I was done and plopped on my couch to enjoy NBA action. It was the perfect day. A tale of two states of mind. A morning filled with crashing waves and unwanted banana-hammocks everywhere to a night with pizza,  basketball, and a happy family.

The Daily Post-Tale of Two Cities

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2 thoughts on ““A couch potato in the sand”

  1. Pingback: Daily Prompt: A Tale of Two Cities and other places | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  2. Pingback: A Tale of Two Cities | My Atheist Blog

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