I am a man. Now, that means I have certain characteristics. My voice is pretty deep. Well, actually a nasaly-deep voice…sounds more like Kermit the frog than Barry White. And I have a protruding organ down there. But, I am lacking the stereotypical man-skills and sensitivities or emotions. I never spent afternoons working on the family car with my father. We never bonded over talking about chicks while fixing flat tires. He never sat down and explained the birds and the bees. So, when my wife turns to me and says:
“Hon, we need to rotate the tires and change my spark plugs..”
I would say..
“Oohhh…you want me to rotate your tires and pay more attention to your spark plugs..sounds kinky. Let’s try that tonight. Did you learn about that in Cosmopolitan magazine? I think I saw something about that while buying vegetables at the store…and give me a hi-five, corn is in season.”
Sad, but true. I have no clue about cars or car-olive or car-omics. See? I don’t even know the word to describe knowing car stuff. But, it doesn’t end there.
I cannot fix anything. If something breaks in the house, my solutions is buying a new one.
“Hon, the pilot light is out.”
“Well, let’s buy a new one…they sell that at Target?”
“Hon, the faucet in the bathroom is leaking…”
“They sell that at Target?”
Every solution involves my wallet…and Target.
But what I lack in man-skills, I make up for in sensitivity and emotional connections. Need someone to watch that romantic comedy movie that your man won’t watch with you? I’ll go and supply the tissue. Your kid won’t eat Brussel sprouts? I can play spoon airplane with the best of them. Need help hosting a “Frozen” themed kids party? Count me in….cause seriously who didn’t shed a tear when Anna sang “Do you want to build a snowman?”
So if I had to learn any trade…it would be man-ology. Is that even a word?