Something has happened to my wife’s vagina. It’s missing. I am this close to filling out a missing person’s report on it. And tomorrow, you would see my wife’s vagina on milk cartons across America.
Its been a long time. Don’t get me wrong, we still have sex…but she hides it from me now. When we first started dating, that thing was always in my face. We were intimate. We were buddies. We would stare into each other’s eyes and make out. No vaginas don’t have eyes but you get the point. If you are with someone for a long time, you see each other’s goodies all the time. You become familiar with it. You can describe it to a tee. You notice new “hair cuts or hairstyles.”
Me: Oh nice. Going for the landing strip tonight? I like it.
But, I can’t do that anymore. She has gone missing. Do I need to contact Dr. Phil and see if he can locate her? And then we can have an emotional reunion on tv? I know she remembers my penis. I send her pics all the time. My penis is all over her Snapchat. My penis posts on her Facebook wall. Constantly “poking” her.
I had to know why. So I asked my wife. And this is what she said:
Wife: It looks different now. Its not the same. Imagine having a baby pushed out your hole. It would change everything.
Me: I don’t care. My Balls Are Old. Remember?
This is becoming another slippery mystery.