I manscape. I don’t get all crazy with it and shave it all off but I make sure it’s nice and pretty for my wife. When I was in high school, my hair was my life. I spent paychecks on products to make my hair nice and shiny. But those days are gone, I shave my head completely. So I guess I’ve used that same youthful care of my hair in high school and transferred it to my…….”cash and prizes.” I was due for some manscaping this morning, so I got in the shower and pulled out my trusty razor and went to work. Everything went fine….but I noticed something. Something I had never noticed before….a white hair….on my sack. I had to do a double take. Everywhere else was the color it was supposed to be…except this one white hair that seemed to look at me and laugh. I panicked.
“I know I am getting older….because my balls are old now.”
And if I am indeed getting older, does this white hair signify that the oldest part of my body is my balls? I mean, my penis still looks great. My penis could walk into a bar and order an alcoholic drink…and the waitress would still ask to see his ID. But if my balls walked into the same bar….the waitress would know he was of age already. My penis could pull an all nighter…party all night and sleep two hours and wake up just in time to get to work. But my balls would catch a matinee movie just to make sure he was in bed by 8 to watch the nightly news…and then complain about the government out loud when no one was around.
How long has this white hair been there? When did my balls become a grizzled veteran? So I did the only thing I could do….I plucked it. But what if three more white hairs sprout in its place? And in a week, my nuts would look like the top of Anderson Cooper’s head? And every time I whip it out for my wife she nicknames it Anderson….or Orville Redenbacher?