April 29, 2013
I plugged in my iPhone into my car deck and started up Pandora to one of my favorite stations…90′s R&B. As song after song began to play, memories of high school and my early college years flooded my mind. I was reckless…and lived the single life to the fullest. My mind fumbled through every questionable decision and explicit encounter. This process made me laugh out loud. I asked myself…do I miss being single? And the answer is yes…but the reason why might surprise you. It’s not the ability to do what I want or “do” who I want. Let me explain. The reason does involve a bed but does not involve multiple positions . I miss being single for the sleep. Yes…I’m sure it sounds pathetic but give me a chance. During my reckless years, I would stumble into my apartment with or without someone and crash unto my bed. After the dirty deeds were done, I would sprawl across my bed and fall into a deep sleep. And I had the power to wake up whenever I wanted. That’s what I miss…the sprawling and the ability to wake up when I want to. I’m married now and share a bed with my wife…but having the whole bed to myself is impossible now. No sprawling…no stretching out. I have one minuscule spot to sleep in. My wife takes up the whole bed and I’m stuck in the fetal position facing the closet the whole night. Well what about sleeping in? Nope, that right disappears once you have a kid. My little one does not care if its six in the morning…and kids do not have a sense of the weekend. I wake up to my kid slapping my head and asking for cereal every single day. But if there comes a day when I miss sleeping alone, I have my ways to experience that sweet life again. How? Fighting. Arguments. Trust me, I don’t start them. I just seek out an opportunity and pounce on it like a helpless gazelle on one of those documentaries about lions and their hunting abilities. I don’t start the arguments..but i can prolong them if I need to. If you have an argument with a significant other during the morning, that leaves many opportunities to make up because you have the whole day to fix the problem…so I aim for the night hours. If I am successful in prolonging an argument I sit on my couch and turn on the TV. I now have the living room all to myself in complete silence except the beautiful sound of Sportscenter’s theme music blaring through my television speakers. And for that moment, I am single again. I can stumble and fall asleep on my couch and sprawl into a deep sleep…..until my little one walks into the living room at six in the morning and slaps my head asking for cereal.