Every Man’s Bucket-List

May 30, 2013

Flashback to 2001…I was a young spiky-haired college student floating through be early years of college life. I was dating a girl who I had been friends with for a couple of years. We met at a party and kept in touch through letters during that span of time. She started to attend the same college as me and we immediately decided to take the next step. She was a DJ and enjoyed the social scene. She had a great sense of humor and hated goofy romantic stuff. She had a penchant for making inappropriate comments at the worst times and never knew how to express herself with words. We clashed a lot but I always gave in. I hated confrontation. The month July was upon us…she turned to me and said:

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“I don’t know…i don’t really need or want anything.”

“Hmm…how about a threesome…for your birthday?”

“What?”

And so starts the dilemma. Was she kidding with me? Did she just say that to see my reaction? If I became eager and agreed to this proposition…would she get mad and say, “this was a test…so you do want other women.” But, on the other hand, this woman was a freak. She had no shame sexually. She never cared about where we were…and who might be watching. So I left the conversation at that. I needed to process this. I needed to sit down…pull out a notebook…write the pros and cons. On one side, doing this could destroy our relationship. On the other hand, a threesome is on EVERY man’s bucket list. Try it…go ask your man.

“Honey, what’s on your bucket list?”

“You already know sweetie-pie….to climb the Himalayan mountains while riding a burro. Or practicing origami near the shores of Lake Titicaca.”

What that really translates to is:

“You already know sweetie-pie…a threesome with one of your friends. You know that hot one from work who doesn’t believe in bras?”

So, the next day I have her my answer.

“Babe…I think it wouldn’t be good for our relationship. I only want you…and you satisfy me. I couldn’t imagine myself making love to someone else”

Was it the right decision at the time? Yes. Do I wish I could go back in time and change that decision? Yes. Because that girl turned out to be psycho. We broke up two months later an she refused to return all my belongings that I left at her apartment.

But, honestly I don’t think I could have handled a threesome. I’m too paranoid for that. I could barely handle one vagina…imagine two in the same area. And I am not good with multi-tasking..so much to do…where would I start? And what if she meant a threesome but with another guy? That means I would have to compete with some random sword for attention.

So what’s on my bucket list?

Building a time machine. Get it?

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